I have an announcement. I’ve decided to start a blog, and I’ve been rattling my mind on how to approach it.
1. What to write.
2. How to write in it.
3. What to work on.
4. What to say, and to whom.
For me, these ponderings have been a year-long process that escalated in the last two weeks, and two of my recent posts were from a broken heart. And after I wrote, I felt better.
I asked God again. What’s my talent?
Over the last two months, I’ve doubted I had any.
I felt very much like I wasn’t really great at anything.
I’ve cried over this thought. I mean, ugly weeping.
I kept coming back to one thing I’ve leaned about myself. I’m basically just a writer.
I only like the craft of writing.
I’ve tried many careers in this lifetime, and it always seemed to me that my joy only comes to my heart when I sit down and do anything related to the craft of writing itself.
So I wrote. Twice. I felt happy. Then, something else happened.
A friend called me who I haven’t spoken to in months saying, “Wow, that touched my heart. I needed to hear that.”
Then another friend called me and said, “The tears started to fall, and I was so moved.”
Then another person commented on my blog, and said what I had written resonated.
I got a follower. I got a like. I got reblogged several times.
Then my mom called me and said, “You’ve always been a gifted writer. This was beautiful.”
But these things came in tandem with other moments. Moments that led to serious bouts of self-doubt, insecurity, and me explaining myself to God and God doing something he does a lot.
He revealed himself to me.
He said, “I made you this way.”
I was like… WHAT??
He assured me that yes, this was exactly how he made me.
Nervous. Unsure. Insecure at times. Needy. Romantic. Helpless. Strong yet frail. Silly and eternally optimistic. Negative but sorrowful for being that way at times. Demanding and accepting. Intelligent. Resourceful. Constantly inquisitive and curious. Loving and kind. A loner. A lover of nature, the stars, and all things relating to spirituality, the home, and family. And so much more that made no sense to me as a Christian—things like astrology and science, philosophy and rhetoric.
He revealed to me that these are my character traits and unique skill sets that make me the damsel in distress in a love story between he and I.
I am always a damsel in distress. I always need rescuing. He’s my eternal hero.
We have this wonderful dance of chase. Me, this helpless lamb who often falls into sudden calamity. In the briar I cry by myself not knowing how to get out, and that’s when God, my sacred hero comes.
The shepherd who leads me. And he sets me up high. Pulls me into his loving arms when I cry and then he places me on his shoulders and carries me off to safety.
He’s my Hosea.
He’s my David.
He’s my holy husband. He’s Jirah.
He’s asked me over and over again to be his bride, and I rejected him so many times especially when I felt I didn’t deserve it.
Then it dawned on me. If one person would have been the reason he’d come to die on a cross, then why not me?
One person is all that’s needed to create a temple in their heart for him to come visit.
The Holy Ghost comes to my soul and we have these intimate conversations and truly romantic moments. It’s transcendent and surreal. Other worldly. Beyond all things.
When I write, my writing comes from the heart. And it’s what makes me feel happy. Joyful. Loved. A wellspring of bliss and gratitude and hope. Heavenly.
So I shall write. It’s my talent.
It’s my brokenness that makes this talent work. And I shall share with you my stories. Stories of God’s love which isn’t just for me. It’s also how he can, does and will love you if you let him.
P.S. I’ve also learned he loves me (and you) even when you don’t let him in. He has a funny way of showing his love to us no matter what condition we are in or how open we are to receive it. Asking him to show you his love does reveal it and you see that he was there with you all along.
With love,
Aria
